Aloha!
I am quite in the Hawaiian mood! In case you don't know me lol...I feel deeply, like deeply connected to the Aloha spirit. If you know you know. Basically I did an internship in Maui summer of 2018 and it was one of the most growing seasons of my life.
Hawaii is different, than other beautiful beach places. I haven't been to a ton but I have been to Mexico and Thailand, both have the most outstanding ocean temperature, beautiful sand, amazing amazing I love it. But what Hawaii has is, is the feeling of the culture you can literally feel in the air.
The word "Aloha" means the breath of God is with us. All over the island people are saying Aloha, so wonderful energy is being spread.
Now, I always miss Hawaii. But there's a difference between missing Hawaii and knowing the island is calling you. I'm grateful to say I do know the difference. I'd like to say it's called me through 2020 but of course we just wrote that as out of the cards.
HOW I DECIDED TO GO TO HAWAII IN 2021
It was one day in December.... and I had been heavily contemplating Hawaii I would say since about November. I suppose it's natural when I am extremely affected by the temperature of the winter season. I do not like to blame external sources but it is a fact that the winter just affects some people more than others. I swear some people actually get happier in the winter!
It is such a big deal for me because I don't feel like my best self, or even close to it. And how can I offer what I feel I have to share and serve if I am at barely functioning vs optimally thriving. And to me alternating between taking baths and sitting by my space heater just isn't the optimal environment for me to express my heart and shine my magic.
Anyway.
It was December, and I was in a super deep meditation phase. Like I always meditate for like a minimum 10 ish minutes, but in November and December I started doing long, silent meditations. Like literally 30 minutes, 45 minutes, hour meditations, and more regularly I was doing between 1-2 hours of silent meditation. I began to LOVE it.
Long meditations became my favorite and something I looked forward to. Because I learned that it gets better the longer you go, after you get past a breakthrough point. For example the first 20-30 minutes was full of mind chatter "should I get up" "Oh crap I forgot to email that person" "my back hurts, should I change poses" "oh yeah my breath" "this is gonna work" etc. But this is WHY meditation is so cool and you get benefits when doing it consistently, because the more you do it, the less loud those thoughts come and you sort of just observe those thoughts like a toddler just talking, but having no urgency to react to any of them.
ANYWAY again.
I got out of a long meditation one day and was suuuuper in a deep state. Like my nervous system was ultra calm, and at that week I had been really debating if I should go to Hawaii or not, if it was responsible, if I should spend money on it, work, etc. After this meditation I was in the most calm state of being, and I wasn't "thinking" with a racing mind, I just was in the moment. I just intuitively had the impression to look for my Hawaii ticket.
Then I thought: I've already been looking, the flight prices aren't gonna be different.
But a deeper knowing inside me told me to go to my email instead of going to Google Flights like I normally do.
I went to my email and had an email from one of the dozens of airline deal accounts I am subscribed to which to be honest I just delete 99% of them anyway. One of those company's emails was at the top of my inbox and I clicked on it, had never used it before.
I type in Salt Lake City to Honolulu with the same dates I had been searching on Google Flights, and all the sudden I see a cheaper flight. But I knew this was too good to be true so I went to Google Flights and searched again, and the prices were higher. I triple checked, more like checked 15 times what was the catch on this flight website and there was no catch. Just a lower price ticket.
A Word on Knowing If It's the Right Choice
Now I can't say that I knew it was the right choice. Or that I knew it was the wrong choice. I would be lying if I said I knew in the depths of my bones it was right. And I would be lying if I said I knew in the depths of my bones it was wrong. Because sometimes things aren't right or wrong, sometimes it's just you deciding what experience you want to have. And calculating the risks. Being honest about what is holding you back, and questioning the reasons.
SPARK NOTES VERSION OF WHAT HAPPENED NEXT
-I bought the ticket for January!
-On New Year's I found out there was an audition in Tennessee I'd been wanting to audition at for years, that conflicted with my Hawaii trip
-I made the hardest decision to cancel Hawaii to audition
-I prepared my butt off for this audition, and worked with 8+ different coaches and made so much progress I was so happy
-I went to Tennessee, did what I had prepared and did great, and sprained my ankle
-I cried in agonizing pain in my hotel by myself with no way to get medicine
-The next morning Doordash brought me crutches
-I rescheduled my Hawaii trip to March because I knew it was now or never
IT'S NOT THE RIGHT TIME
I do some in person jobs and some online jobs. I have a full schedule always. After Tennessee I found myself saying why I shouldn't/couldn't go to Hawaii anymore. Well I have this coming up, and that coming up, and I really shouldn't miss work anyway, and I don't really need to go, and blah blah blah. Suddenly I had excuses.
But luckily I'm pretty smart and I've been down this road more than once. I've been around the block of the "it's not a good time", and I have very often chosen to plow through anyway because though it may be true that "it's not a good time" what is an even deeper truth that I my deeper self seem to knew was "now is the only time". Do not get me wrong, I am not on any level promoting careless thoughtless purchases or decisions. All of my decisions I am referring to were tied to my heart.
For example, one time my brother was planning to go to Italy with our cousin in October. They bought their tickets together in May. Come September our cousin got a new job and they wouldn't give him the time off, so my brother was gonna go to Italy alone. Two weeks before the trip my mom and brother were like, "Annie why don't you go?" To which I replied "Because it's not my Fall break, I wasn't planning on paying for it, etc". I EVEN had the nerve to have the thought "I'll go with him another time".
THERE WOULD BE NO NEXT TIME, NOT LIKE THAT. My brother got engaged about a year later and after he's married there could never ever be just a me and him trip. But at the time I seriously thought, oh sure, I'm sure we will plan another Italy trip. But my deeper self said
no you won't. This is it.
So to tie this into Hawaii, one never knows why they are called exactly, just that they are called. I think we spirits having this human experience often ignore true desires that are good and worthy, because we always believe we have to earn it. We always have to work harder. I'm only 25 but it's long enough for me to know that money comes back, and time does not.
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